Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
