the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
