Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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