I wish I only lived at night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
