Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
