He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
