why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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