i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry about my life...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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