Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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