At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
