His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Congratulations! We have a period
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