First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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