i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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