Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
