get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
