Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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