is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well you can't waste a boner
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
