I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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