Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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