I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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