For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
