I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
