He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
