How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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