my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
