Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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