ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
