Have you finally orgasmed yet?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
