u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
