Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
