I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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