My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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