tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
