I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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