U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
