and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
