Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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