dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
