She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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