you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
