You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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