to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
