I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
