youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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