i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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