I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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