I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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