Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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