I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
