woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
