Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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