please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
