dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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