Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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