just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
