I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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