Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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