I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
