Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
