I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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