I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He passed out mid-signature
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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