i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
