Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
