After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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