She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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