I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
