Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
