You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
