Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
