Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
