I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
