Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
